“Psychological abusers are attracted to what is going on within the person’s life that is shiny, glamorous, or exciting, or successful, or dynamic, or vibrant,”
that’s what is attractive. They take all the positives from that person and as soon as they cannot deal with your successes and positive outlook on life, they start to tear down those qualities and those successes that drew them there in the first place.
Research shows that these women also tend to be very empathetic, over-give and find it hard to say no, so it is easy to see why these women are vulnerable targets.
The psychological abuser needs to be superior, you could never be better and certainly never a match or an equal as good relationship is. They are hard-wired to believe that their actions are perfectly acceptable and will never think there is an issue. They see the relationship out of equilibrium and ignore the destruction they leave behind and you will always be at the heart of any blame.
They could never address their own lack of confidence, self-esteem or the fact that they inwardly view women as secondary citizens and not as equals. They always have to be the Managing Director and you the secretary or administrator in business or in a relationship.
As a woman it is important to recognise these toxic traits and ensure you set appropriate boundaries and learn to recognise some warning signs:
- The abuser does not accept that there are differences – theirs is the only world that counts.
- The abuser thinks and acts as if he owns the truth. He doesn’t care about the views of others. He is a negative leader who always wants to stand out, manipulate and be the centre of attention.
- Black and White – they only accept black or white there are no shades of any kind, they are always right.
- Hypersensitive – they are the kind of people who have a hard time managing their emotions.
- Charm and psychological abuse – whilst gaining their victim’s trust, they behave like the nicest people in the world. The psychological abuser could win an Oscar.
Most people have no clue that this hidden abuse is taking place and it is generally right under their noses. The perpetrators are individuals with which, you would never suspect to be psychological abusers. The concealed nature of this harm is what leaves such a devastating and long-lasting impact on the woman.
Psychological abuse is toxic and hidden. If you don’t start out in a relationship being treated as an equal this is unlikely to change. The psychological abusers inadequacies and desire to be superior will outweigh the balance you would expect in a fulfilling relationship of mutual respect and recognition.